I feel as though I have reached a stage in my life where there is no going back: a stage that I am none too proud of. In the words of the contemporary Christian singer Mark Hall it’s a “slow fade when you give yourself away” and oh how true that statement is.
I think my “fading” first began back at the end of January 2013 when I acquired a full time job. This was an entirely new experience for me and, I’ll admit, it caused a lot of strain in my life. I have a sincere and deep desire to suddenly wake up one day and be a morning person but alas I have never been able to stomach it. Waking up at the crack of dawn with a bad case of nausea and forcing myself to go to a place that reeks of the mundane office life is not my idea of fun. It was hard to stay awake let alone enter data into a computer about appraisals. The daily tid-bits of gossip didn’t keep me going and even my morning tea wasn’t doing the trick. I had to do something.
That’s when I had the idea. I had encountered this method before but I’ll admit I felt that it was a bit overrated. I try not to prejudge but when faced with a new experience so monumental I find myself sticking to what’s comfortable. I usually feel unsafe trying anything new when everything else is new and unstable. Despite any misgivings I decided to put my plan into action. I had the tools I needed in the break room and instantly my day perked up. If I was thinking straight I would’ve stopped it right there where it began.
But I didn’t stop there.
My idea was achieving the desired effect: every morning I would go to the break room and instantly feel filled up and awake. I was working a lot faster. My focus had increased exponentially. No wonder it was so popular. On some days I visited the break room even after work so I was able to get through the rest of my day. When I began making the effort to buy supplies at Kroger for home use I finally began questioning what I was doing. I was becoming too dependent.
I struggled against the temptation for a long time. My mornings returned to be dismal affairs. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep until the morning had passed. Despite any feelings I had giving up was not an option and I pressed forward. There were good days and bad days; this meant that try as I might to get away I lost focus and indulged myself.
Since leaving my full-time job in favor of a part-time evening shift job I almost forgot about the break room and all its wonders. On occasion, however, I would talk myself into going over to Kroger to purchase supplies. I still indulge myself in this weakness I never thought I’d have. As much as I hated it I couldn’t deny that I had forsaken tea and become a coffee person.